Can I have the spade to dig up the answers we have about the behavior of the men we love. Men do a lot of things that are bizarre. I sometimes sit and think about the love I have given and the rubbish I have received. I think about the emotions that I have invested and the emotional poverty I find my self dwelling in.
Ngicela ukwazi leyo mfihlakalo, ngoba eyam inhliziyo ayisakwazi ukubhekana nokuye ukuphoxeka. Ngicela ibhala lokuqguba uthando lwam liye endaweni lakungekho muntu khona. Ngicela ishafula, ngigubhe umgodi la ngiyo fihla khona uthando lwam. Kungcono ife, ibune nokuba ihlale endaweni yobandlululo nenkathazeko. Ngicela inqola ingihambise ngiyoyilahla eweni, kobe sekwanele, kobe sekufeziwe, kobe sekuwukuphumula umphumulelo wafuthi... Kuyobe seziphelile izinyembezi, zisuliwe izinsizi. Angaz umuntu angayifihlaphi inhliziyo yam... angsathandi. Ukuphela kwayo. Angisafuni nayo.
What must happen if I fall in love with you, kanti wena ubuzidlalela. Kwenziwa yini ukuthi unganeli impilo yakho ukuthi usufuna neyam ibe ngeyakho khona uzoyilaxaza kahle. Ayh mina sengikhathele. Mina sengibongile ukuhleshikelwa ithemba nokholo enginalo.
A man will snatch your confidence from right under your feet... :( you find yourself shaking with rage, thinking How could this happen again. What did I do wrong. Well... I suppose I am not pretty in any case. I guess I am overweight anyway. So I think... its either I become a hoe or I become a drunkard. I chose the latter.
A man will real you in. Make you confide in him. He starts conversations about things you do not like to talk about. He says you must trust him. He listens carefully, absorbing all of the weaknesses you are exposing. You are oblivious to this, instead you are happy to open your heart and let the ghost you are falling in love with capture your spirit. A man that plays at your strengths is the devil. Most men will play at your weaknesses and use them against you, to real you into his cave, to make her feel warmth only when she is with him. But being so calculating as to manipulate a person using their own strengths, challenging them to be better than they are, supporting their needs and appreciating their worth... then he turns. Wakes up one random day and decides that he is done with the charity that is your life. Bye sisi
It saddens me. I am so sad. You convince yourself, that awusafuni lutho oluhlangene nendoda. You stay in this state of mind and this dormant state. Refusing any confusion and rejecting love all over and putting niggas in the friendzone. This devil man will nurse your fantasies, introduce you to his warmth and what you think is his love. You let your guard down. He climbs over the wall you have built around yourself and settles in your heart. He takes this slow, an illusion that he loves you enough to wait for you. He loves your smell and enjoys the taste of your skin, so you think. There are numerous attempts he makes at you and akapheli amandla. Every time you reject him, he smiles through it. He will run his fingers on your scars and experience them just to bring you greater pain. He says to you "I know you are broken and I will love you through it because your happiness s important to me". He lets you love him. The deeper you fall, the closer to his mission he becomes. The rubbish. When you have trialed him, he gives perfect answers, he checks up on you and cares about your well being. He wants you to be a good person and for you to be taken care of. You let yourself fall for him... You let him take care of you and it lasts for a few weeks. Weeks of passion and spiritual intimacy. Then he disappoints you. Just like that... all that you feared becomes the reality. Your inner core ruptures and it hurts more than you have ever imagined. You don't cry tears of pain, you cry tears of rage... Of madness.
It hurts fam.
Take ONLY what you need from a nigga... That way when things crumble (and they will) you will have only the memories of the joys you gained.
Ngcono siphuzeni.
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