I have been making jokes about being a Sponono in my relationship. A sponono is what we term these days as a side chick embi kune main chick. but my question is... WHY must there be a Sponono in the first place? Anyway... How do you know if you are the Sponono or the Boity?
The butterflies fill the pits of your tummy and you find yourself smiling for no reason, drawing hearts and things on your diary during meetings... Your body literally grows goosebumps when he calls you. Every "how you boo", "good morning text" and "cant wait to see you beautiful" text literally sends jelly to your knees next things awusazi noma uyaphuma noma uyangena. Isn't it just lovely.
Going on a couple of dates and loving everything nje, his perfume, his car and the things that you do together. The laughter and the learning how to relax in his presence. For now, you still hide your flaws, there are many but you postpone introducing them to your partner for as long as possible. Not huge flaws like you been in jail or you have a gambling problem, just things like your harsh temper or stretchmarks. This phase dies out and the reality phase begins...
He speaks about certain women and refers to them as his friends or sisters. He shows you pictures of them at parties and it honestly looks all very innocent. Is it really? Maybe they have done it once, maybe bayafunana but something got in the way.
You go through his phone (I don't recommend this) and all you find your texts only, and his call register only has calls from you and his mom. Is he being thorough with deleting everything that is from other girls or anything him and his friends speak about that could be read ambiguously?
You visit him and you see all his food tucked into Tupperware containers, bed made and floors mopped. Does this mean that he is just a neat freak or his main girlfriend was visiting and cleaned up the place then cooked and washed the dishes?
His phone rings and he answers it with you in the room, cuddling even, talks and laughs with the person. Is it his friends or is it a side chick that is so cool with things that they have code words so that she knows that he is chilling with you?
You find lip gloss in his car and he says it belongs to his colleague, he calls the colleague and tells her that she forgot her lip gloss izolo. Is she playing along just to cover for him?
He comes home, smelling brand new and fresh. he doesn't want anything to eat, in fact he just wants to sleep. Where is he from? Gym? or did he via passed his side chicks place washaya uOne then wageza khona? She probably fed him, or maybe he just had a rough day at work and he just wants to sleep (._."
Some girl comments on each and every status of his and retweets all his intimate tweets. She likes all the pictures he posts up and always shares internal jokes with him. But who is she though? Maybe they were an item once, maybe she likes him... Maybe she is friends with his ex, maybe they nearly did it? Maybe she is his high school sweetheart...
In all honesty, can you ever know whether you are the main chick? Really though?
There is no security hey. He can love and post about you on Facebook, maybe his real girlfriend doesnt have Facebook. He may take you out in public, maybe the girl he really loves is far from where he is. Maybe she already has a ring. You might be pregnant and having his child, maybe his real love doesnt even know. Maybe sebezoshada and wena ubhizi la umubiza uBae. Maybe uhlala naye kodwa his real girlfriend is in his homelands... #KuyadlalwaNgathi Worst, you might be dating for 8 years but the girl he will marry has been his "friend/sister/sometimes/complicated" for a few months.
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