Why would you eat something, chew it up, taste it, swallow it, throw it back up then eat it again? Thats how a friend of mine describes amaLove Back. Majina. But is taking back an ex all that bad?
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" - Maya Angelou
I remember when we were young, singamaFresher and virgins, so
convinced that we would find "the one" and date till the end of our
degrees, siqede then get married. We'll work for a few years then have
kids all before the age of 25. WOW... Reality really humbles you. We
probably did date and find a guy that was "the one" for quite some time. He then trampled all over your heart, nawe you probably did break a few hearts. You probably took him back nazama futhi and nahlukana futhi. The routine really does get boring after a while, but until you stop feeling for him, you probably gonna take him back. I think that is what our late teens and early twenties are for. Doing this over and over, dismissing niggas and falling for others, cheating and doing shady things (noma usungazenza ungcwele ngcwele nje). That's why I would never recommend anyone to get married before the age of 25, we are just emotionally immature at that age. Plus we get employed, change locations try out the long distance thing, find wealthier men and emotionally cheat (sometimes physical) and then discover that they are also just men and they will hurt you regardless.
I really do think men are half cooked humans...
I have a few friends that actually did end up with this guy, bashadile
manje kuhle kwanjeyaya. The rest of us?we keep on trying and end up hitting the brick wall time and time again. I guess that is why some people opt to stay with the same old abusive man. Or to keep taking back an ex because it doesn't increase the body count. LOL yes I know we would rather satisfy our bodily desires by dating an ex rather than find someone new and increase your body count. The body count (for those that don't know) is the amount for people you have slept with in your ENTIRE life, regardless of how many times, whether it was a relationship or a one night stand. lol awubale nje...
There is always that ONE guy that you ALMOST loved but wakhetha uskhotheni, akuHurt manje usuzodlala ngaloGuy because he has always loved you from the side lines. :( Its sad when we do this ladies. But when there is no chemistry what must a girl do? You have been stringing him for years and he would do anything for you just to get a chance to lay next to you. He is a keeper hey. You ladies don't want him though, nifuna oLwabishi bamadoda that hurt, use and abuse you. SMH if waziqomela loGuy kwasekuqaleni ngabe you have that ring hey. :"D Ngyadlala... It is not that easy. When going into any form of relationship, there are certain prerequisites, love, attraction and compatibility are a few of these and without them there really isn't much to that relationship. That is why you probably did not date him in the first place. Now that sebekuvuthuzile abafana you want to go back to him. Well, if he says he still loves you and you feel the same (miraculously) then give it a chance. Unless... he gets bored with you (I mean he has waited for you for years, only to find that you are JUST a human). Tough cookies then.
Funny enough most break ups are not because of cheating. Usually people get upset when their partner cheats but ends up forgiving them I find it so strange and so common. I also find it disgusting that cheating is a "norm". Worse, when you are married, your own mother will tell you "Amadoda anjalo ke mfazi" "Bekezela" and "Akukho okungadluli" sigh... Your friends used to tell you what to do before nabo amadoda ebagila. Faithfulness has fallen down the list of "priorities" for most of us ladies, we rather break up with someone because "He doesn't communicate enough with me so I never really know whats going on with him", "he has no ambition in life" and the famous "the sex really ain't that great".
It really boils down to... What matters to you as a woman. Is it love? Is it faithfulness? Is it money? Is it encouragement? Is it respect? Is it how he looks? Is it the job he has? Is it the places he takes you to? Is it the car he drives or the clothes he wears? Or is it the romantic gestures he has? Is it that he tells you that you are beautiful? Is it that he makes you laugh? Actually... This is a topic for another blog post.
There are fundamental principles that each of us carry. These NEED to be compatible. For example you and your partner need to have faith, a man that does not love God, will not know how to treat you because you cannot be the woman of Proverbs 31 to a person who cannot even recognize it. You and your partner need to share the core principles around your monies, you must be able to talk to your bae about money, how to save it, budget and help each other build more money. You and your partner must have the same mentality when it comes to career pathways and focus, you must not date a man that has no dreams, hopes or ambitions in terms of progressing in a career. A person who will not understand your language when you talk about going on skills courses, studying further or that you are just too tired because you had a long day at the office. Lastly, you and your partner must have common objectives when it comes to love, faithfulness, respect, etiquette and honesty. These are the fundamentals and the foundation building blocks in your relationship anything things else you will be able to deal with.
Secondary foundations can vary from age to location. These are our preferences and they are important but the relationship can survive without them. They hold weight and these can lead us astray and we end up losing good people that we could have built a future with. Being in along distance relationship is difficult and requires a lot of trust, faith and truthfulness but it is possible. Long distance relationships scare other people and other people do them just fine, for years, its because the primary foundation is solid. Others date men that are significantly older then them, others significantly poorer than them. These are uncomfortable factors that you wish you could change because you are so in love with sban ban but society wont let you be great. Again, if the fundamentals are rock solid then you can face anything together.
Tertiary factors are really the trivial things that don't make a relationship nor do they have the ability to break it unless the relationship is ntekenteke vele. Things like sex (although yall think thats a foundation things), how much money he has and his complexion etc. These things really do not matter in the core of your relationship. Well, they probably help you get attracted to someone, and it is what people on the outside look at and they conclude you are happy or unhappy in that relationship. Bleh ngoba abantu. It is heartbreaking when shallow people break up with good people all because of looks, money or sex appeal. If a nigga sucks in bed, buy him a Cosmopolitan magazine and show him what you want. Sit him down and explain how you feel. If he loves you, he will improve with your guidance. If a nigga cant dress, than for goodness sake take him to a mall and help him buy clothes. If he lacks tact, teach him manners. If he hates reading, buy him a book on something he already loves. If he doesn't call you every hour, then YOU must call him every hour. Simple.
These are really minor things but we are so fixated with marrying Barack Obama and having an ideal family like him. Our problem is that we try to change our own core principles to suit our partners based on being attracted to tertiary components. As cliche as it may be, I make a list. Positives against negatives. Then I scratch off all the things that fall under the "tertiary factors" and then I see whether the nigga is real and if he is worth the problems. And asifani singabantu, we are stubborn and we are spiteful, we are vindictive and we are emotional. All these things cloud our judgements but when it is too good to be true... It probably is.
And ladies... Stop putting your relationship on a scale and comparing it to others. because like we hide our own flaws, we can never really know what is going on in other relationships. So kuyafana nokuqhathanisa nespoki nje. When it gets foggy... Put it down on a list. Next thing uhlukene nomuntu because he doesnt buy you airtime. Majina nje.
Im not bitter... Im mad as hell
Aneh
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